The whole of our club was overjoyed when it was announced this week that Alf Tibbins who´s been suffering with cataracts since he got his first one in the early 90´s can now see again – And the first thing he did when he regained his sight - was to file for a divorce! Alf takes up the story.
“The thing is when the old eyesight started giving way Mary weren´t wearing too badly at the time and she looked alright, not stunning exactly but alright. Then, when I came round after the operation she came to visit me in hospital. Me sight were a bit blurry at first but gradually the eyes started to clear, I squinted for a bit, slowly started to focus on her face, - and it were apparent that she´s turned into a right old boiler. I tried to ignore it but she could sense I weren´t best pleased as she handed me over some grapes. Don´t get me wrong she´s still a nice person and everything it´s just that I can´t see meself trying to rifle through her drawers any time soon, it´s a shame but there you go”. His wife of 35 years and constant companion through all his trials and tribulations remained defiant last night.
“That´s charming that is, after all I´ve done for that man, I couldn´t believe it when I drove him home and he asked me drop him off at the newsagents so he could buy a Daily Mirror and a Penthouse magazine. Obviously I´m pleased for him that his eyesight has come back but it gets my back up when he spends all day lusting after Carol Vorderman and Jane McDonald on “Loose Women”. I don´t know who the hell he thinks he is, he´s obviously not got round to looking in the mirror yet, - he´s hardly Robert Redford his self – Robert Robinson more like!”
Editors note: Robert Robinson was the excrutiating bald ginger bloke who chaired “Ask The Family” in the 70´s. - Below, an unrepentant Alf last night.
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