Friday 25 June 2010

Fruit and Vegetable Show and Stripper Complaints.

I would like to thank all of you and all of your efforts this year I would especially like to thank


The stripper who appeared at this club of Saturday last has unfortunately resulted in a number of complaints, he was

Charlie Barrett who organised our fruit and vegetable show last Sunday. We are happy to report a good turnout for this and would like to thank our judge Harry Fielding who judged the tomatoes and was

Strutting around naked whilst using foul and abusive language. I would like to point out that I was

happy to help out with the plums as well. Arthur Jessop who celebrated his 80th birthday this year, attained the runners up rosette for his radishes and was accompanied by his wife who was

truly appalled at his behaviour. He ran amok through the audience whilst waving his private parts in the air, and was eventually rugby tackled by Stan Etherington by the domino table, who was

standing proudly by his side, whilst they had their photograph taken. The prize for best spring onions went to Alf Ramage who was also

a little out of breath after his exertions not surprisingly. The stripper then dragged Hilda Olroyd on to the stage who was blindfolded and was humiliated and then

elated with his rhubarb, which came second. We would also like to thank the lady mayoress for presenting some of the prizes. She was serenaded by local school children, shown around the cake stall before being

beaten around the head with a sex toy. Things got so bad that somebody phoned the police, who were taken to the concert room and

shown Jim Spencer´s pickled onions. She complimented Ethel Tomlinson on her chutney and sampled Harry Crump´s home made wine before she

led him away in handcuffs, but then he

had a scone and a cup of tea with the vicars wife. She was then briefly introduced to our president who

ran around taunting the constable with his testicles cupped in the palm of his hand. We would like to apologise wholeheartedly for this, and would like to promise all our members it will never happen again.

then had to attend a pigeon meeting.

P.S I have just realised that some sort of administrative error has occured here and somehow the 2 seperate reports have been inter linked. So you have to read all the red writing together and then the white writing, otherwise it doesn´t make sense. We hope that this hasn´t led to undue confusion.
Regards, The Concert Chairman.