Friday 29 October 2010

Article from the latest issue of the "Cumberland Claptrap" - our club journal

Two of our members, Sid and Pauline Dunhill have made it to the semi finals of TV´s favourite “Strictly Come Dancing” competition. After a particularly gruelling practice session whereby I watched a surprisingly youthful looking Sid lift Pauline up by the gusset of her tights and swing her round his head a couple of times before expertly perch her on his shoulder – before she fell off. “She´s bloody useless” jokes Sid.” I told her it was gonna be hard work was this, but she insisted on having a go. She just wanted to see if the old magic was still there (She was the All-Beeston Hopskotch runner up of 1945/46 season). But basically I think she just wanted to meet up with Bruce Forsyth again. Not many people know that we appeared on the “Generation game” back in the 70´s. That were a right laugh were that. We had to make this Christmas pudding or summat – I forget now, but we got in a right state. Ended up with icing sugar all over, I do remember that some mysteriously ended up on Anthea Redfern´s breasts – I got a right bollocking for that – from Pauline AND Bruce, - cos he were knocking her off at the time if I remember rightly. Anyway the senile old sod didn´t remember us when we turned up on the set for “Strictly” last week, even though we introduced ourselves as “Mr. And Mrs. Dunhill from Beeston”, which was how Anthea had introduced us back then. I reminded him about the Christmas pudding and everything bit he just stared blankly at us. To be honest he´s been a right misery ever since we turned up here, and he´s been a bloody nuisance with the women, - hanging around each and every one of em like a fly round a cow´s arse”.






Pauline is obviously excited as she eagerly tells me about her day. “Oh, it´s been marvellous, don´t listen to Sid, Bruce has been lovely, - he´s just jealous. All because he caught me and Brucie – as I call him, linked arms outside the television centre. I tried to tell Sid that I were just walking him across the road to the bus stop, but he were having none of it. I got to dance with him an all, and what a mover he is for a man of his age, and so charming. He told me it was “Nice to see me – to see me nice”, and then asked me to “Give us a twirl”. I was in heaven, we got on like a house on fire and I´ve invited him to the “Cumberland Ex-Servicemen´s Club” reunion in Blackpool next year, - and he giggled when I said that we could have a Foxtrot to Reginald Dixon at the mighty Wurlitzer in the Tower Ballroom. He said he would do but he wasn´t too keen on Blackpool. – Because it tends to be so windy, and he said that the odd time he´s been there he´s had to tie a bootlace around his head to keep his wig on – aarh bless!”

You can see Sid and Pauline this week on “Slightly Come Dancing” BBC1 – 9pm.

Saturday 2 October 2010

Dominoes Team Annual Trip

As usual we had our annual trip for our dominoes team, what we have every year. We have had some great do´s over the years, in recent years we´ve been to Albir Buff Club, and then last year we went to a Bullfight. – That were a mistake actually, I misread the leaflet, I thought it said “Bunfight” – we were going to do our bit for “Comic Relief” you see. Felt a bit ridiculous as it happens when we turned up in the middle of summer in those see through pac-a-mac´s what you can get in the Chinese shops and half a pound of Vanilla Slices, but anyway.


Club funds have been very low this year and we couldn´t afford owt fancy, so Charlie Barrett kindly said we could use at his allotment. – Luckily he brews his own ale, and now he´s started making his own wine. I think he even treads the grapes himself. I say this cos when Wilf Naylor tried some he choked on a corn plaster and next day a verruca sprouted up on the end of his nose.

A good day was had by all. We had a couple by the compost heap where Charlie gave a small talk on manure and the preparation there of, he then showed us some runner beans before we retired to his potting shed to watch “Carry on camping” on a small projector he´s got in there.

All the lads on the team would like to thank Charlie for his time and effort, and we would all especially like to thank Charlie´s wife Annie – for staying out of the way.